What Happened To All My So Called Friends...

hmmmmm lets see there are the
*childhood friends
and they grow up and some move away or you fight over a guy and never speak again. There was that brat who never gave me back articles of clothes she borrowed from me when I was 15--the bitch knows who she is.
*male friends
ok I had quite a few and they wernte gay!! We through the football around and I didnt mind getting dirty plus they loved tackling me and getting a better look at my legs. There was wonderful sexual tension like the best girl flicks have in them, and guys arnte catty witches...I love them and miss them, but I never slept with them.
*best friends
always a curiosity what happens here. One day you are the maitron of honor at her wedding and the next she moved away and became a Jehovas Witness, or had 2 abortions, or some such thing that makes no sense and you never get a call or letter back. You even gave her silver for a wedding present and tons of great baby clothes at her baby shower that by the way you threw and in her precious honor and never even got to meet the new arrival.
*co-worker friends
the worste; fake, phoney, jelous, and down right mean. Never give you a chance, lie, and use you as a sounding board to make their lives seem better then they are. Use you for entertainment when things are quiet.
What the hell?
I am more then half way through my life and have no real friend to call my own though I am trustworthy, honest, and fun! I have lost more friends then I can count though--is there a booby prize for "keeping friends" in this life??